Remember that neighbor from your childhood who gave out such terrible candy (or worse, boxes of raisins) that by fourth grade, you didn’t even bother with their house anymore and basically avoided eye contact from August through November? Don’t be that person. To ensure you’re giving out the good stuff or eating it on your own while you binge a bunch of Halloween movies, we’ve carefully ranked all the best Halloween candy of 2022, from worst to best. You’re welcome.
The Best Halloween Candy of All Time, Super Scientifically Ranked from Trash to Tasty
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Congratulations. You trick-or-treated at the actual devil’s house and made it out alive.
If you’re looking for saccharine-sweet flavor for seconds followed by disappointment, well, look no further.
It’s like they’re not even trying to get our attention. We’re almost sorry we dissed that box of raisins.
42. Junior Mints
These taste like toothpaste—they do, so sue us. They’d be marginally better if you didn’t actually need to brush the sugary scum from your teeth after.
41. Hot Tamales
39. 3 Musketeers
Is it just us, or is this the chintziest of all the candy bars? Plain old nougat…it’s just meh.
This would be ever so slightly better if it were enrobed in chocolate. It just feels a little sad.
37. Baby Ruth
Great baseball player? Yes. Great candy? Not so much. This one loses points for appearance and the fact that we had to Google what it’s even made of.
36. Crunch Bar
Tell us again, why did we need to ruin perfectly mediocre chocolate with surprise bits of mystery gravel?
34. Mr. Goodbar
He’s good, but not, like, amazing.
33. Blow Pops
Does anyone actually like the plasticky chewing gum that lurks in the center of these things? We didn’t think so.
Had we wanted to eat chalk for dessert, we would’ve done so when our kindergarten teacher wasn’t looking.
28. Jolly Ranchers
It’s not that Jolly Ranchers are inherently bad (minus the grape ones, those are the worst); it’s just that we could all do so much better.
We’ll admit that these sugar tablets are really only good when eaten in threes or the entire roll shoved in your mouth at once.
Sure, these caramel-chocolate bites are pretty inoffensive in the grand scheme of things. But they’re certainly not *Milk Duds.*
See above. Slightly waxy, vaguely chocolaty and found in a grandparent’s jacket pocket, they’re a Halloween classic, and there’s nothin’ wrong with that.
Nonbelievers will say they’re chalky and boring, but we must disagree. Plus, have you ever had the chewy kind?
We’ll never know how these flavors got to share a package with those delicious pink guys, but we suppose it could be worse. (See no. 45.)
This is the only kind of worm we want to see in our Halloween candy, to be quite honest.
15. Air Heads
Getting a mystery flavor Air Head is like winning the Halloween candy lottery. (FYI, we still don’t know what flavor it is.)
What the heck are Nerds? They’re tiny, crunchy bits of sugar that you can pour straight into your mouth. And that’s why we love ’em so.
Listen, we’ll trade you six green M&M’s for three red ones. We know all the colors taste the exact same. Or do they?
12. Milk Duds
What’s the opposite of a dud? A victory? Yeah, they should rename these to that…or maybe not, but you get the idea.
Strawberry Twizzlers are in a whole other class from regular licorice. And that, friends, is a very, very good thing.
10. Kit Kat
Break us off a piece of that. Or just, like, give us a whole one. We don’t actually want to share with anybody.
We don’t even care that it’s not “real white chocolate” or even chocolate at all. Haters, stay back.
We would do unspeakable things to get our hands on pink Starbursts and pink Starbursts only. Good thing they make bags full of just the good stuff, so we don’t have to.
6. Candy Corn
Is it the most polarizing of all the Halloween candy? Perhaps. Do we love it more than the holiday itself? Forever and ever.
If you didn’t get one of these hopelessly stuck in your molars, did Halloween really even happen? (Apologies to dentists all over the world.)
Would we coat our lives in the sugary dust that settles at the bottom of the bag? Let’s just say the answer isn’t no.
This crunchy cookie/gooey caramel situation is universally satisfying—the Tom Hanks of candies, if you will.